The Body (Builders) of Christ

a skit based on 1 Corinthians 12

This skit works well even if your group does not know (or is too young to remember) the late 1980's Saturday Night Live characters, Hans and Franz (played by Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon). However, the two people playing hans and Franz should be familiar with the original. You can rent "Best of Saturday Night Live" tapes at larger video stores.

Cast: Hans, Franz, Inadequate Boy, Inadequate Girl

Props: two chairs, one Bible, "applause" sign (can write on back of script).

Costumes: for Hans and Franz, each should be wearing a light gray sweatshirt stuffed so that they look "buff." A good way to do this is to wrap T-shirts around the biceps and fasten them with duct-tape, then put the sweatshirt on. Weight-lifters belts are an optional but effective addition.

The skit begins with Inadequate Boy and Inadequate Girl sitting in chairs, looking glum.

BOY [dejectedly]: You know something, this Christianity business is tough stuff.

GIRL [dejectedly, Bible open, thumbing through it]: No kidding. It seems like there's so much to it. So much to do.

BOY: Yeah, you have to be able to pray, to sing, to worship, to witness, to quote scripture, to do good deeds, to be wise, to be knowledgeable, and to have a smile on your face the whole time.

GIRL: In other words, you have to be perfect.

BOY: I'm tired of always trying to be strong Christian. You know something? I'm just about ready to give up.

GIRL: You know something? Me too.

[Enter Hans & Franz, using German accents, flexing their quads.]

HANS: Vell, hey, you guys.

FRANZ: Ya. Hey, you guys.

HANS: I'm Hans, und dis is my bruder Franz. And we're here to

HANS & FRANZ: Pump [clap] You Up!

BOY & GIRL: Boy, you guys are really buff.

[Here, Hans & Franz go into an inordinate amount of flexing. After a while, Girl interrupts.]

GIRL: So, ummm, what are you doing here?

HANS: Vell, we heard how you were talking. About all da tings you haf to do to be Christian. Like you haf to be so strong.

FRANZ: Ya. And you guys were so sad about it.

HANS: So, me, Hans, and my bruder, Franz, haf come to

HANS & FRANZ: Pump [clap] You Up!

FRANZ: You see. Ve don't want little babies in da Body of Christ.

HANS: Ya. Da Body of Christ is not for little girlie-men, und girlie-women.

FRANZ: Dat is vhy you haf to be so pumped up.

HANS: Like me, Hans, and my bruder, Franz.

[More inordinate flexing.]

BOY: So...can you help us?

HANS: Of course, ve can help you. Dat is vhy ve are here. Ve haf come to

HANS & FRANZ: Pump [clap] You Up!

GIRL: So what do we have to do?

HANS & FRANZ [pause, look at each other, then turn back to Boy and Girl]: You have to be pumped up!

FRANZ: So, come on. Get off of your lazy buttoxes.

HANS: Ya, you sit so long dat your buttoxes get larger and larger.

FRANZ: Ya. Pretty soon, your buttoxes will be oozing over da sides of da chair.

HANS: Ya. Und den ve vill haf to come over der und take a spoon und scrap your buttoxes from off of da ground.

[Boy and Girl stand up.]

FRANZ: Ya. Und den ve vill have to get a big vacuum cleaner...

BOY [loudly]: Alright! Alright. We get the picture. We're standing. Okay.

HANZ: Okay. Great. Now you haf to pump up. So do as we are doing.

[Hans and Franz begin to flex. Boy and Girl try a few flexes. After a few tries, Boy and Girl look at each other, roll their eyes and sit back down. Girl picks up Bible again, reading. Hans and Franz keep flexing.]

FRANZ: Hey. What is da matter. Look at you lazy babies. You can not handle da pumping up.

HANS: Ya, now your buttoxes will continue to grow larger. If you do not pump up, you can not be in da Body of Christ. Face it; you are too weak to be a real Christian.

[Pause. Hans und Franz flex. Boy looks defeated. Girl is reading, her eyes light up.]

GIRL: Hey, listen to this. [Boy, looks over her shoulder as she reads.] "For just as the body is made up of many parts, so it is with the Body of Christ. You see, the body is not made up of one part but of many parts. What if the foot said, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body"? And what if the ear said, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body"? Think about it. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, how would you touch or smell or taste? But as it turns out, God arranged the body as he chose, so that each part would have a special function. Yousee? If all were the same part, there wouldn't even be a body, would there? And so there are many parts, but one body."

BOY [takes Bible, keeps reading]: "That's why the eye can't say to the hand, "I don't need you." The head can't say to the feet, "I don't need you." Instead, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the most important, and the parts of the body that we think are not worth respecting are the ones we ought to treat with greater respect. God has arranged the body so that the weaker parts are due the greatest respect. This way, there won't be differences within the body, but rather all the parts will show the same care for each other. This way, if one part suffers, all suffer together with it; if one part is honored, all rejoice together with it. Now you are the body of Christ; individually you are parts of it."

GIRL: See! We don't have to be able to do everything. Each of us has a special part; a special function in the Body of Christ And those whose part seems the weakest is actually the most important. You see, Hans and Franz, we don't have to be perfectly strong, or do it all. We just have to do our part.

HANS: What is dis!? No pumping up?

FRANZ: But dat means da Body of Christ is for little weaklings.

BOY: That's right. Listen to this. [Reading in the Bible.] "My Grace is sufficient for you. For my strength is made perfect in weakness."

FRANZ [pause]: Hans, all of a sudden, I don't feel so pumped up.

HANS: Ya, Franz. Me neither.

FRANZ: Now I am sad. I thought we were here to

HANS & FRANZ [unenthusiastically]: pump [weak clap] you up.

HANS: But instead we get pumped down.

GIRL: Hey, that's okay. Cheer up you guys. Remember, Christ is the one that "pumps us up."

BOY: Yeah, he gives us what we need to be strong members of the Body of Christ. It's not our strength, but his strength that counts.

HANS: Ya. You guys are right.

FRANZ: In fact, I tink I feel a little pumping up coming on again.

HANS: Me too.

[Hans & Franz flex; Boy and Girl shake their heads; Girl holds up "applause" sign.]